When I moved off campus my junior year of college, I was excited to have an actual kitchen to cook in and a place to eat that I didn’t have to share with hundreds of other students.
That feeling quickly faded when I remembered how much time and money it takes to cook and grocery shop when you’re a broke college student and also going to classes, club meetings, working and seeing friends.
Staying up late was normal for me. Some nights I’d leave work at 1:30 a.m., or I was up late studying or hanging out with friends. There was no way I was going to take the time to cook myself an actual healthy meal. Even if I wanted to cook, I probably didn’t have anything in my fridge to make it.
I saw fast food as my only option.
Drive-Thru Voodoo
Frequenting fast food drive-thrus became a regular habit for my friends and me. They were the only places open late at night and the cost seems cheap when you can get a meal for only a few dollars. If I did go to the grocery store, I’d buy chips or microwaveable meals that were easy to make. I probably used my oven a handful of times over an entire semester.
But the truth is, with a bit of planning, broke college students and young professionals can eat healthy without spending a lot of time or money. Pat Salzer, registered dietitian and workplace wellness consultant at Excellus BlueCross BlueShield, shares eight tips to help you save time while eating healthy on the cheap.
8 Tips for Healthy Eating on a College Student’s Budget
Have group meals. Find friends who like to cook and make your meals together. Having a group of people working together to make dinner is more fun than cooking alone and will help you avoid fast food restaurants.
Don’t grocery shop when you’re hungry. This might seem like an obvious tip that you’ve heard a thousand times, but it’s true! When you’re hungry, your willpower goes out the window. Everything will look good, especially the things that don’t take long to make.
Buying in bulk isn’t always a good thing. Bulk can be good if you know that you’ll eat all of it. However, it’s not worth buying large quantities, especially produce, if you’ll just stress about not eating it all before it goes bad.
Have a plan when you shop so you’ll get what you need and only what you really need. You won’t overspend if you stick to a grocery list. This strategy might also help you avoid filling your cart with junk food—like those little pints of Ben & Jerry’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream that I love so much!
Be realistic about what you will eat. I would always buy Greek yogurt because I knew it was healthy. Only problem was, I don’t like Greek yogurt. I tried to force myself to like it, but it wasn’t happening. The yogurt would sit in my fridge until it hit the expiration date and then I’d have to (thankfully!) throw it out. There’s no point in spending your money on something that you know you won’t eat.
Prepare big batches of healthy, delicious foods that’ll leave you with lots of leftovers (and unlike in tip #3, you know you’ll eat it). Whatever you make for dinner, you can also eat the next day for lunch. It’s also a good way to keep yourself from overeating at a meal if you know that you need to save some for the next day.
Buy fruits and vegetables that are in-season. Not only will that sweet Red Delicious apple you bought in the fall taste better, but it’ll likely be cheaper, too. Try different types of produce—you might be surprised by what you like! I was shocked (shocked) to learn that I actually liked the taste of broccoli!
Stash affordable, healthy foods for snacks—yogurt, string cheese, cottage cheese, peanut butter, etc.—around your apartment, house or dormitory. These foods will help satisfy late-night cravings and deter you from embarking on fast food runs.
If you’re like me, you ended the year celebrating the holiday season just a little too much and you’ve started the new year looking for the perfect gym to undo the damage of rich desserts and not enough activity.
Finding the right fitness facility can be tricky if you’re looking for more than just the lowest-cost option.
A treadmill is great for running in the winter months.
“You need to assess your fitness goals before selecting the best gym for you,” said Janette Westman, workplace wellness consultant, Excellus BlueCross BlueShield. “Do you want a basic gym with treadmills for a daily run or walk, for example, or do you prefer one with a variety of classes or state-of-the art equipment to keep you motivated?”
My needs as a gym buff have evolved over the years. When I was a broke, recent college graduate, I went with the cheapest option. All I needed was a place to run in the winter—at the lowest possible price!
Select a gym close to your job.
As I earned a little more, I gravitated toward facilities that also had early morning spinning classes. But once I had kids and was paying daycare bills (yup, I was broke again!), I gravitated toward the free workplace gym.
Given my holiday weight gain, I’m now also hunting for a fitness facility to use on the weekends, when I don’t want to trek into work to work out. I’m considering a gym or a facility that also offers classes, such as kickboxing.
Westman, a former personal trainer, offers the following tips for finding the right fitness facility in the new year:
Location: People often stop exercising because they lack the time. If you exercise after work, select a gym close to your employer. Weekend warriors in the battle against the bulge may want a facility close to home.
Hours of operation: The gym should be open when you plan to exercise. Early birds, for example, may need a fitness center that opens at the crack of dawn to allow for the 5 a.m. swim before work.
Classes: Ask if classes such as spinning and yoga cost extra. If you’re solely interested in classes, a studio instead of a fitness facility may be a better option.
Equipment quality: Ensure the cardio and weight machines are clean and in good condition.
Staff: Are staff members friendly and qualified with the right certifications? You may want a gym with fitness trainers and dieticians to help you get healthier.
Free trial pass: Test the gym during the times you’ll likely exercise. Is it too crowded? Are the classes, equipment, and atmosphere right for you? Are showers and changing facilities up to par? Is the parking convenient? Will you feel comfortable asking staff for advice or posing questions, such as how to use unfamiliar equipment?
Cost: Ask if the gym will waive the enrollment fee so that you’re only responsible for the monthly dues.
Important Tip: Some health care insurers may offer a benefit that helps pay for a gym membership. Be sure to check your policy to see what’s available to you. Don’t leave money on the table!
Some of my friends think I’m odd because I’m one of those people who genuinely look forward to winter. I just can’t imagine living someplace like Florida for the winter. Snowy weather is something I embrace. I love to be outside in nature year-round, and when winter arrives it brings a whole new season to enjoy. And for me, winter means snowshoeing.
Keep moving and stay warm
No one likes being stuck indoors all winter and my “ticket” to get out is snowshoeing. It’s a great cardio workout and also low impact. Snowshoeing is a fantastic recreational activity for many people, and is especially good if you’re looking for an activity that’s easier on your knees. Unlike ice fishing where you’re just standing around in the cold, snowshoeing generates heat and burns calories. The trick is to wear the right gear to stay warm and dry.
Make it easy to get outside
Living in upstate New York, we don’t need to drive for hours to find a park with snowy trails. You also don’t need thousands of acres to have a fun snowshoeing experience. My wife and I are lucky that we can start snowshoeing or cross country skiing right from our backyard. With a small local park nearly outside our backdoor, it’s really easy to get out anytime we have snow. There are moments while snowshoeing where we’ll just take in the scenic views and watch the local wildlife and birds. When the snow conditions are really good we also enjoy cross country skiing, but snowshoeing doesn’t require great conditions. You can even snowshoe on many trails that wouldn’t be good for skiing.
There aren’t as many people outside in the winter and we enjoy quiet moments snowshoeing in Powder Mills Park (southeast of Rochester) and nearby Mendon Ponds Park. With fewer people outside, it is always a good idea to take a friend with you on a winter adventure. There is safety in numbers. Keep reading for a few additional tips I’ve picked up over the years.
Getting Started
On a cold winter day, managing your body temperature and perspiration is key to staying comfortable and having a good experience while snowshoeing. You don’t want to be too cold, nor do you want to get overly hot & sweaty; once you get wet you can become cold.
Dress in breathable layers. Wear synthetic breathable materials like polypro and fleece. Never-ever wear cotton in the cold because it absorbs moisture and then gets cold (this means no jeans or cotton pants, no cotton socks, no cotton shirts, no cotton underwear).
Bring a water-resistant shell/coat that is easy to take off & carry, but available to put on if the weather turns cold, windy or wet. If you get too hot you can tie the jacket or extra layer around your waist. When it’s below 10 degrees, I like to wear extra glove liners under a pair of ski gloves or mittens. Bring water, a high energy snack and a cell phone.
Start slow and bring a buddy
Don’t set out on a mega, multi-mile journey your first time out. Snowshoeing on flat terrain is not technically difficult to learn, but it’s sort of like walking in deep sand or deep water. You’ll feel a bit like Herman Munster at first, but it gets easier with practice. Snowshoeing in deep snow or on steep terrain can be extremely hard work (like climbing many flights of stairs). Use common sense and gradually increase your distances over several outings.
If you’re snowshoeing on a trail that is also used by cross country skiers, they will be moving faster. As a courtesy, try and stay out of the grooves created by the cross country skiers so they can pass in either direction without having to stop.
Wear comfortable boots and gaiters to keep the snow out. I don’t like to snowshoe in sneakers or low shoes because my feet will get wet and then cold which isn’t fun.
Boots are a must for snowshoeing
A number of years ago, I was up north snowshoeing deep in the Adirondack woods (near Gothics, a mountain in the High Peaks Region) after a 60-inch snowfall when my snowshoe binding broke. We were miles from the road where the car was parked. I was able to fix the snowshoe and get out safely (used a MacGyver technique with a spare shoelace). This is a lesson I remember and one reason I wear boots, not sneakers (just in case your snowshoe breaks and you have to walk out without snowshoes).
Snowshoe technology has come a long way in the past 20 years
What most people think of when they think of snowshoes
Modern snowshoes are lightweight and strong. Get good quality snowshoes that are sized for your weight/height. You don’t want to break a snowshoe or binding if you’re deep in the woods on a cold day.
What modern snowshoes actually look like
Don’t skimp on equipment! I recommend a good sturdy snowshoe with an aluminum frame, and an adjustable step in binding with under-foot crampons to grip on ice or when going up a steep hill. There are places you can rent snowshoes before you buy (check downhill ski areas or local outdoor sports shops). Get help picking out snowshoes at a reputable outdoor shop to make sure you get the right size for your body weight.
Use ski poles or walking poles with
snow baskets to keep you balanced as you go.
There is an investment to get started (approximately $200-$500) but once you have the snowshoe gear it can last many years, and it’s free to snowshoe in most of our public parks.
Get out in the snow
If you get outside this winter and have fun you can help to end those winter hibernation blues. Snowshoes are also very easy to keep in your car trunk in case you stumble upon a new place to explore.
Being a teenager and going through high school can be difficult. There are classes to keep up with, sports commitments and demands for your time from family and friends. And, for Brittany McNair, a cancer diagnosis.
McNair was diagnosed with osteosarcoma June of 2005, the end of her freshman year of high school. She went to the doctor after not being able to walk and after several tests, found out that she had cancer in her right leg.
The former three-sport athlete went from running daily for soccer and indoor/outdoor track to relearning how to walk. She didn’t think she’d run again.
The high school years are a time when your peers are constantly judging you. Because chemotherapy treatments caused her hair to fall out, McNair feared having her picture taken or being asked to remove her hat. She also learned to get creative to avoid the dreaded hospital visits. (More on that later.)
With the help of friends, family and a local nonprofit, McNair found a way to keep some of the normalcy of her teenage years. Her family also emerged stronger and closer as a result of it.
Brittany McNair on her 16th birthday while in the hospital for cancer treatment.
A Visit to Her Hospital Room
In August of 2005, surgeons replaced the bones in McNair’s right leg with a metal prosthesis. At the same time, they removed her calf muscles and performed knee replacement surgery on that leg. She was 15.
As she recovered in the hospital, McNair received a visit from Lauren Spiker, executive director of 13thirty Cancer Connect, formerly known as Melissa’s Living Legacy Teen Cancer Foundation. Spiker had formed the organization three years prior after her daughter, Melissa, died of cancer, and was running it from her home.
On the wall at 13thirty Cancer Connect is Melissa’s request of her mother before she died, “If you have learned anything from me through all of this, do something with it to make a difference – to make things better.”
Spiker explained her daughter’s request.
“When Melissa was going through treatments for cancer as a teenager, we noticed that there weren’t many support groups for teenagers or young adults.”
Spiker visited McNair in the hospital to invite her to join their support groups, including a popular pancake breakfast at Spiker’s home with other teenage cancer survivors. A few weeks later, McNair participated in a photo shoot for a brochure for the organization. From that day, McNair has continued to attend 13thirty Cancer Connect events.
“13thirty Cancer Connect helped me in ways I couldn’t even begin to describe,” said McNair. “I’ve made lifelong friends there, and I am so thankful for them.”
The organization welcomes individuals ages 13 to 30 who have cancer and their families. A few years after McNair joined the group, 13thirty Cancer Connect began offering fitness classes to give people who have been diagnosed with cancer a chance to exercise with the supervision of a physical therapist and get their strength back.
“Our program was able to recently expand, thanks to a $3,000 grant from Excellus BlueCross BlueShield,” said Spiker.
It was through this program that McNair started to run again.
Brittany with Lauren Spiker, executive director of 13thirty Cancer Connect
Friends on the field
McNair was lucky to have friends who worked hard to keep her connected to high school (and all the drama!).
Her soccer teammates and their families took turns decorating and filling a box of goodies for McNair to have before she went to the hospital for chemotherapy on Fridays. She found the box on her front porch every Thursday.
“I would be in the hospital all weekend and my teammates would give me everything from candy to DVDs in that box,” said McNair.
McNair’s favorite? A barf bucket. (The chemotherapy made McNair pretty sick!) It was decorated with different words and phrases related to barfing.
After her diagnosis, one family gave her a laptop to help her keep up with school, but she also used it to keep up with her friends and high school happenings.
“AOL Instant Messenger was the big thing then, and I would be on my laptop all the time talking to friends so I was kept in the loop,” said McNair.
Her friends also would visit her at home and in the hospital. As often as she could, McNair would go to basketball games to watch her sister cheer, and she’d also sit on the bench and help her coach during soccer games.
A birthday to remember
McNair really wanted to be in school with her friends on her 16th birthday on Dec. 23, 2005. Usually her birthday falls during winter break, when there’s no school, but that year was an exception.
On the morning of her birthday that year, McNair’s mom – Jennifer Arnold – noticed that her daughter felt hot. So Arnold took her temperature. If McNair had a fever, that meant she’d have to go to the emergency room and would automatically be in the hospital for 24-48 hours. When Arnold came back, McNair’s sister was in the room.
“I didn’t think anything of it,” said Arnold. “I figured they had just been talking before Brittany’s sister went to school or something.”
Arnold looked at the thermometer and it read a normal temperature. Arnold made McNair take her temperature again, but this time she didn’t leave the room.
“The thermometer said she had a fever just like I thought,” Arnold said. “Brittany’s sister took her own temperature, and the girls tried to trick me!”
McNair’s friends ended up visiting her in the hospital and celebrated her birthday there.
It wasn’t the first time her friends or family were willing to intervene on McNair’s behalf.
“I don’t know why it was such a big deal.”
When McNair walked into the school cafeteria to take her regents exam, the proctor wouldn’t let her in because she was wearing a hat.
“I don’t know why it was such a big deal,” said McNair. “I guess they were worried I was going to hide notes in my hat or something.”
McNair refused to take off her hat. She didn’t want to tell the proctor that she was embarrassed of her bald head. Eventually, one of her friends stepped in and explained why McNair wanted to keep her hat on. The proctor let her into the cafeteria to take her test.
After she sat down, a different proctor also asked her to remove her hat. Again, she refused. This time, a math teacher intervened and said that she could keep her hat on.
That night, Arnold attended a basketball game to see Britany’s sister cheer. The same math teacher approached her and apologized. He hoped that her daughter did well on the test.
“Brittany hadn’t told me that anything had happened at the regents test so I was trying to think of what could have possibly happened,” said Arnold, adding that she was also thinking , ‘Well I’d be more concerned that she didn’t do well because of all the work she hasn’t been doing.”
It wasn’t the first time McNair fought requests to remove her hat.
Learning to embrace her bald head
Like most 16-year-olds, McNair was eager to get her driving permit. She went to the DMV to take the written test and after passing it, stood in line to have her picture taken for her license. The photographer told her to remove her hat. McNair refused.
“My dad started arguing with the people at the DMV to let me keep my hat on and eventually they did and took my picture,” said McNair. “After that, when people looked at my I.D., they were confused to see that I was wearing a hat.”
McNair was determined to learn to drive during her sophomore year. Since she was still relearning how to use her right leg, used two feet instead of one to apply the brakes or use the accelerator.
“Looking back on everything from when I was diagnosed and going through chemo, I would tell other people going through the same thing to take pictures and rock the bald head,” said McNair. “Those are the two things I wish I had done.
Non-traditional Christmas
Arnold thinks back fondly on Christmas that year. It was a few days after McNair’s birthday fever and she was still in the hospital. She and her husband agreed to bring both McNair and her sister three presents to open at the hospital; they could open the rest when McNair returned home.
“My husband and I made two trips from the hospital to the house and back to pick up more presents because the girls didn’t want it to end, they were having so much fun,” said Arnold.
Brittany, her father (David), and younger sister (Alexis) on Christmas Day. Alexis is now a Pediatric Oncology nurse at Golisano Children’s Hospital. She was inspired by the nurses who cared for Brittany.
When McNair came home on New Year’s Eve, her parents said she and her sister couldn’t open the rest of their presents until the next morning. They wanted the girls to have that feeling of waking up and seeing presents under the tree.
“The girls went to bed at 3 a.m. on New Year’s Eve and then woke up a few hours later to open presents,” said Arnold. “It wasn’t a traditional Christmas, but we made the most of it and that’s what made it so special. “
Changing the family dynamic
Mother and daughter smiled and laughed as they recalled those special memories. “Brittany’s cancer diagnosis definitely changed our family dynamic for the better,” said Arnold. “We’re all incredibly close and I love it.”
Brittany with her mother, Jennifer Arnold in September 2016.
McNair, now an avid runner, made her athletic comeback October 2014 running the Bandana Bolt 5K at Seneca Park, thanks in large part to 13thirty Cancer Connect’s fitness program. Her mom joined her for the race as a fellow runner.
“With this new awesome fitness program that I’ve been doing for a couple years now, I’m slowly regaining my strength in my leg, regaining confidence and regaining the old me that was that former athlete,” said McNair.
You’ve probably heard the expression, “When pigs fly.” Umm, now they can. And, miniature horses can too. So can monkeys, dogs, cats, and all sorts of other “emotional support” animals. Daniel, a certified emotional support duck, made news on a recent flight, traveling with his human companion who had a fear of flying. As it turns out, pets are a great source of comfort and therapy for a lot of us.
Still think you need to bring your pet dog, cat, or hedgehog along for support on your next flight? The process starts with supporting documentation from a licensed mental health professional stating that you’re emotionally disabled. Then you’ll follow steps to legally qualify them as an emotional support animal.
Does the dog make house calls?
It turns out that “man’s best friend” may be one of man’s best weapons against depression.
Picture yourself in the hospital recovering from an injury. You’re feeling a little bit depressed. All of a sudden, in walks a dog and their handler. You’re a little thrown off at first, but you go along with it. “What’s his name?” you ask. “It’s Buddy.” you’re told. “He’s a therapy dog.” Buddy sits down next to you, patiently looking up. You instinctually start petting him. After a few minutes, you start feeling a little bit less anxious “So, how often does Buddy come around?” you ask. Before you know it, you and Buddy are…well…“buddies.” Just like Humphrey Bogart said in the classic movie Casablanca , “This could be the start of a beautiful friendship.”
Cats are good listeners too.
Lollypop Farm, the Humane Society of Greater Rochester, NY, provides shelter for homeless or abused animals and programs to help pets. They also feature pet assisted therapy programs, including Reading Education Assistance Dogs (R.E.A.D) where registered therapy animals (along with their owner/handler) visit schools and libraries to help kids struggling with their confidence.
Their Book Buddies program also gives kids the chance to read their favorite books while cozying up to attentive cats waiting for new homes. “These programs provide goodwill within the community,” said Kim Gandy, Lollypop Farm Board Member. “Animals always seem to understand what is going on and provide comfort.” It’s also a great way to find a home for your new furry friends.
Pet therapy has a role in all phases of life
Pet therapy is a broad term that includes animal-assisted therapy and other animal-assisted activities. It’s a growing field that uses dogs, along with other animals, to help people recover from or better cope with health problems, such as heart disease, cancer and mental health disorders. Several studies have reported that interacting with therapy animals produced beneficial results.
Sure, pets are great companions. But studies show that they can make us healthier. Interacting with an animal—playing, caring, or just petting it—has positive effects on us, from creating a sense of calm to providing a sense of purpose. It may also be a reason for an increasing use of animals — dogs and cats mostly, but also birds, rabbits, fish and even horses — in settings ranging from hospitals and nursing homes to schools, jails and mental institutions.
Many hospice organizations use animal companionship as a form of therapy. Pet therapy in the hospice setting uses the natural bond between humans and animals to provide comfort, peace, and soothing companionship to terminally ill patients. There are many physical and emotional benefits brought to those facing their end-of-life journey. Last year, the Today Show featured a story that went viral about JJ the hospice therapy dog who consoled a patient nearing the end of their life. These interactions can help reduce feelings of loneliness and depression and lessen levels of anxiety.
So, where’s it all headed?
There’s been a lot of attention lately about those ducks and pigs on airplanes, but the health benefits of pets do help humans overcome, or at least cope with, health problems (both physical and emotional).
The bottom line is that more study and data are needed before more many health professionals regularly recommend it as an alternate form of therapy. For now, anecdotal benefits include increased self-esteem, improved mental health, better social skills and increased empathy and nurturing skills for many who have used it.
So if you’re ever sharing an armrest on a flight with Buddy, Hamlet or Daniel, rest assured that pigs (monkeys, ducks and other animals) really can fly.
Vegetables are also full of fiber, which can help reduce blood cholesterol levels. They also fill you up so that you’re less hungry for unhealthy stuff.
Here are nine tasty and easy ways to slip more vegetables into your day:
Soups and Stews
Fall and winter are the perfect time for comfort food. Be creative and clean out your produce drawer. You can add a variety of vegetables, including carrots, cabbage, spinach, and celery, to your soups and stews. Other good additions are onions, winter squash, potatoes, and tomatoes.
Roasted Vegetables
Oven roast vegetables at high temperatures with a small amount of olive oil and garlic for sure-fire palate pleasers. For extra flavor, sprinkle them with fresh herbs or a generous splash of balsamic vinegar. Add a can of chickpeas and grated cheese and serve over brown rice or vegetable penne to round out the meal. If you’re looking for a tasty side dish, consider this whole roasted cauliflower with pomegranate and pine nuts recipe. I recently made this dish, and it tasted as good as it looks! I had leftovers the next day for breakfast because I was too excited to wait until dinner to eat this delicious dish.
Stir Fry
Get out your wok and stir fry a medley of red peppers, green beans, eggplant or cauliflower, broccoli, carrot and mushrooms in a small amount of olive oil. Serve as a side dish, use them to top a baked potato or make the medley a meal by adding it to rice and stir-fried beef, chicken or pork. Watch this video for quick stir-frying tips.
Salad
The deeper the color and the more variety of vegetables you add to a base of spring greens or lettuce, the healthier and more eye-appealing your salad will be. Here are a few suggestions for vegetables to add to your salad: carrots, red onions, mushrooms, cucumbers, beets, avocados, tomatoes, red cabbage, zucchini and red, green or yellow peppers.
Pizza
Instead of topping your pizza with pepperoni, experiment with different vegetables, including asparagus, beets, zucchini, eggplant, artichokes or Brussels sprouts. Make your pizza even healthier by using a whole grain crust and grated low-fat mozzarella cheese. Try this kid-friendly veggie pizza.
Beverages
Drink your greens. Add spinach or kale to a fruit and yogurt-based smoothie. Whether you make your own smoothie (it takes less time than toasting a bagel) or buy it ready-made, you won’t taste the added vegetables, but you’ll be getting an extra serving of produce without even trying. Freeze the leftover mixture in a freezer pop mold for a refreshing snack.Check out this recipe. Combine the following in a blender and enjoy: 1 tablespoon of almond butter, ½ cup of fresh spinach, 1 cup of unsweetened almond milk, ½ a frozen banana and ½ teaspoon of cinnamon. One serving is about 190 calories.
Snacks
Keep a supply of washed, cut-up raw vegetables in the front of your refrigerator. When you’re looking for something quick to eat, you can grab and go. For added flavor, dip them in a hummus or a yogurt mix. Check out the calorie count on this snack: 1 cup carrots (45 calories), broccoli (30 calories), or bell peppers (30 calories) with 2 tablespoons of hummus (46 calories).
Breakfast
Add fresh or cooked vegetables to an omelet or scrambled eggs or make a breakfast burrito by wrapping scrambled eggs, peppers, onions, tomatoes and reduced-fat cheese in a flour tortilla. For a tasty treat, try this veggie quiche; reheat leftovers for a quick lunch or dinner.
Seasonal Produce
Always check to see which fruits and vegetables are in season in the fall, winter, spring and summer. When you eat fruits and veggies that are in season, you’re eating foods that are at their peak for flavor and freshness.
Our family’s unique Thanksgiving tradition has little to do with food or football. It has everything to do with our values, beliefs, and goals.
After we finish our turkey, and after the dishes are cleared, we talk about how we want to die.
“No pumpkin pie until you tell me how you want to die!”
I know it may sound morbid and it’s often uncomfortable. But it’s necessary. Thanksgiving is actually the perfect time to have conversations like these. It’s a holiday that almost everyone celebrates, and it brings the family together from far and wide.
My mom started this family tradition in 1992. She wanted to explain why she picked some of her children and not others as her health care proxies – the person who’ll make your health care decisions if you’re unable to do so. She talked about factors we should consider when deciding what to do if she was incapable of making her own decisions.
My mom was brilliant in her approach to discussing a difficult topic during an uplifting holiday gathering. I hope her tips help you have similar conversations this Thanksgiving.
4 Tips for Discussing a Difficult Topic
Begin by discussing what matters most to you. My mom didn’t start with a cold list of whether she wanted a certain procedure like a breathing tube. She began by discussing what made her life worth living. To her, it was being a “Babci” (grandmother in Polish) for her grandchildren.
She loved being a grandmother. She wanted to be present and able to interact with them. If that wasn’t possible, she wouldn’t want certain life-saving procedures.
Discuss your values. As a Catholic, she wanted ordinary – and not extraordinary – measures to save her life. She wanted a natural death. If her heart stopped beating, for example, she wasn’t in favor of resuscitation.
Come from a place of love. Serving as a health care agent is a huge responsibility, and it’s not for everyone. You’re grieving for your loved one, yet need to be clearheaded and practical when deciding what this person would want at the end of their life. Often, you’ll have to manage potential conflict among family members. It requires a delicate balance of involving everyone in the discussion while ensuring the final decision is based on what matters most to your loved one. Each of us only dies once.
My mom knew that two of my four sisters would be too emotional to handle this responsibility. At the dinner table that Thanksgiving, my mom told those sisters that, “I didn’t pick you because I love you too much to put you through something you can’t handle. It’s a hard job and I don’t want to put that kind of responsibility on you. I love you too much to do that.”
I was named my mom’s health care agent, and my other two sisters were named as backups. My mom explained to my sisters that my role was to stand in her shoes when making decisions and to keep the whole family in the loop and involved in the entire process. She wanted to ensure that any decisions would be based on her values, beliefs, and goals for care.
Here’s one more tip that helped my family navigate these difficult conversations over the years:
Talk about stories in the news. We’d reference news stories and discuss what we’d do in these scenarios.
I remember discussing the case of Christopher Reeve, the Superman actor who became a quadriplegic after falling from a horse and breaking his neck in a riding accident. My son said he’d be OK living as a quadriplegic as long as he was able to think and interact with others. My daughter, however, wasn’t so sure since Reeve benefited by having a lot of money to help make his life functional!
Resources to Help Guide Conversations
As you’ve realized by now, these are difficult conversations. (To help, there are a variety of resources and tools available at CompassionAndSupport.org)
One of the resources is a document that lists what to keep in mind when choosing a proxy. The person, for example, must be willing to talk to you NOW about your wishes. If the person is uncomfortable talking about it now, then he or she won’t be able to do so when you need it the most.
During our Thanksgiving talks, we also take the extra step to review our individual Advance Care Planning documents to make sure they reflect our current feelings. We have blank forms on hand in case new documents need to be completed and witnessed.
For individuals with serious or advancing chronic illness, there’s also a document called Medical Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment (MOLST), and an electronic version called eMOLST. MOLST is recommended for those who want to further define their wishes for medical interventions, including resuscitation. The MOLST form is legally approved and has to be followed by all health care professionals including emergency medical services (EMS) personnel across New York State.
Regarding that first Thanksgiving talk, I still have a funny photo of my sister’s husband. He had a hand to his head and a “what are these people talking about!” look on his face!
But it turns out these annual Thanksgiving conversations were invaluable as he suffered through his own terminal disease years later. He was seriously ill, undergoing aggressive treatments, not very mobile and living in a nursing home. He recalled these Thanksgiving talks, and how he discussed the importance of living his life to the fullest in the end. Additionally, he wanted to spend time with his son. That’s how he decided to leave the nursing home and switch to treatments that were less aggressive. Making these choices helped him enjoy what he had left of his life.
I encourage your family to adopt our Thanksgiving tradition. Save your family possible heartache and turmoil in the future by discussing and documenting each family member’s thoughts and views on a difficult, but necessary topic.
Most parents take strong positions against bullying, until THEIR child is accused of being the bully.
“Not my child!” they say.
What exactly is a bully? Some believe the designation is super clear. A bully is anyone who verbally or physically abuses another. Verbal abuse can include saying something that is mean, offensive, or insulting.
In the real world with real people, it’s not always apparent whether someone is a bully. Consider the example of Josh, a high school junior and star athlete.
Josh was athletically superior to almost everyone on the basketball court. He was extremely popular, especially during the basketball season when he carried the team. He was praised for his leadership, for his desire to win, and for being aggressive during the season.
However, during the off-season, he continued to play with the same level of intensity, using his elbows to forcefully grab rebounds, and his strength to push his way to the basket. One teammate’s parents raised concerns when their son came home bruised from an intramural game with Josh. Their son, a freshman, was not only 30 pounds lighter than Josh, but also 4 inches shorter.
They accused Josh of being a bully.
Is my child a bully?
Josh’s mom, when told of her son’s behavior, initially did one very important thing. She remained calm and asked to hear her son’s side of the story before they met with the vice principal regarding potential discipline.
Josh, meanwhile, said he’s playing the way his coach taught him. He was going all out on every play and performing the same way that helped him lead his team to victory for the district last year.
Josh continued, “That kid is a bit of a whiner. He’s OK, and maybe he’ll even be an OK player at some point. But, really, he said I was a bully?”
What’s happening here?
Mom wants to think the very best of her son. Josh has given a plausible answer that’s based on fact. The coach has pushed him hard to “be the best he can be.” That behavior has helped him lead his team to victory in the past.
Her thoughts swarm: “This is ridiculous.” “Absurd.” “He’s a hero, not a bully.”
By remaining calm, Josh’s mother initially responded appropriately. But her next move didn’t help her or Josh learn and grow from the situation.
She posted the whole issue on Facebook, requesting support for Josh. By the time Josh and his mom met with the vice principal later in the week, both were confident that the accusations were false. After all, 25 parents and 30 kids had signed a statement backing up Josh and praising him.
The vice principal agreed to take the issue under advisement. There would be no discipline until after he’d talked with the coach. Then, they would reconvene.
So what happened?
I can imagine a dozen different reactions—from people who believed Josh was doing what any leader would do (playing with the intensity that his coach instilled in him), to those who have been victimized themselves and feel that again the bully wins.
Whether you believe Josh was a bully really depends on your point of view—especially if Josh truly felt he was playing fairly.
What’s clear is that Josh and his mother missed a teachable moment.
They should have discussed whether Josh really needed to play so aggressively during a casual game of ball. You can be a high achiever, for example, and also be kind and considerate.
But Josh and his mom retreated to what was safe, familiar. It was too overwhelming and disruptive for them to consider whether Josh was possibly being too aggressive and a bully.
7 Tips If Your Child Is The Bully
Josh’s story shows that it’s often not clear whether your child is a bully. Here are seven tips for handling similar situations:
Take a deep breath and stay in the moment. Don’t start blaming yourself or start to envision your child as a future felon.
Understand the facts as best as you can. Just the facts. Let them guide your decision.
Discuss the situation with your child. Explain that you’re just trying to understand what happened. Keep your emotions in check. In Josh’s case, for example, his mom could have discussed the importance of not just performing well, but also being considerate of others.
Be judicious about how many external sources you involve—such as family and Facebook friends—until you fully understand the situation. It’s tempting to lash out at accusers or rally support behind your child. But these approaches will not help, and might make you seem like a bully, too.
Find a punishment or consequence for your child that is based on kindness and compassion. Maybe a child who has been bullying other kids (especially if it was unintended bullying) could spend time volunteering with younger kids. This could help teach your child how to be compassionate and kind toward others.
Model kindness. Remember that every child has to learn and grow. If you want your child to be considerate, make sure you’re also modeling the right behaviors. This includes keeping the other child’s feelings in mind when you speak about the situation with other parents or your child’s friends.
If you truly believe your child is bullying others, consider reaching out to the school’s counselor or social worker for help.
Many moms are obsessed with the color of their toddler’s poop. But, did you know that the color of your child’s poop can hint at what’s going on in his or her body?
Last year, my 1-year-old son’s poop had changed to an odd, sandy-white color I’d never seen before. I did what all parents do: a quick Google search. As a result, I was convinced that my little boy suffered from a life-threatening liver disease.
Not quite. A call to the pediatrician’s office revealed that the likely culprit was the antibiotic the doctor had prescribed for my son’s ear infection.
Antibiotics kill the bacteria that make you sick. But, ironically, the medicine can also kill the good kinds of bacteria that keep you healthy. That’s probably why my son’s poop had turned an odd color.
The dangers of antibiotics
Before our little poop adventure, I never thought twice about antibiotics. Since then, I’ve learned that antibiotics can have some pretty serious side effects, including diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting.
The issue? Antibiotics are often prescribed to treat illnesses caused by a virus: flu, common cold, most cases of acute bronchitis, etc. But antibiotics won’t help people with a virus. They help people with illnesses caused by bacteria, such as strep throat, whooping cough, and urinary tract infections.
As more people overuse antibiotics, the bacteria in your body that haven’t been killed by the drug can become resistant to the medication. This results in “superbugs” that cause life-threatening infections that can’t be treated with antibiotics.
This puts the entire community at risk of having antibiotics that don’t work.
Do you need antibiotics?
So antibiotics can be good – and bad? It’s all very confusing. Here is some advice on determining whether you need (or don’t need) antibiotics.
Get educated. Learn about antibiotics, the conditions for which antibiotics are often prescribed, and whether the antibiotics are able to help:
To learn more about whether you should take an antibiotic for ear infections, eczema, and pinkeye, go to ChoosingWisely.org.
ChoosingWisely.org also has information on whether you should take an antibiotic for the flu, colds and other respiratory illnesses.
For general information about antibiotics, go to CDC.org.
Take your medication as directed. One of the most important things you can do if you are prescribed an antibiotic is to take ALL of your medication and don’t skip doses.
“Too often, patients stop taking antibiotics when they begin to feel better and save the remainder of the pills for the next time they’re sick,” explains Martin Lustick, M.D., Corporate Medical Director at Excellus BlueCross BlueShield. “This is a big contributor to the development and spread of antibiotic-resistant bacteria.”
Talk to your doctor. Your physician knows you best and will be able to offer the best advice. Watch this video to learn about four questions to ask your doctor:
Trust your doctor if he or she says that an antibiotic isn’t needed.
“When the doctor says that an antibiotic isn’t needed,” said Lustick, “know that he or she is making the decision not to prescribe antibiotics by keeping the patient’s health and the health of the entire community in mind.”
A love/hate relationship
A friend of mine recently described her love/hate relationship with antibiotics.
She loved how the drugs cured her daughters’ ear infections, but hated how the drugs seemed to wreck her oldest child’s digestive system. Her daughter suffered from a continuous cycle of ear infections, antibiotic regimens, and irregular bowel movements.
She didn’t know for certain that her daughter’s digestive issues were related to the antibiotics. But given antibiotic’s reputation for causing these issues, it was hard for her not to make that association.
So what do you do if you need an antibiotic, but want to lessen its side effects?
Probiotics. Talk to your doctor about whether you should take probiotics. Antibiotics can cause people to have stomach problems, including diarrhea, cramping, and gas. The reason? The drugs can kill the good bacteria in your intestines that are critical to digestive health. Probiotics may return that bacteria to your body, potentially curing or lessening your stomach issues. You can take probiotics through supplements or foods such as yogurt.
Foods. If certain foods upset your stomach even when you’re not on antibiotics, it’s even more important to avoid them when you’re on the drugs. Antibiotics may only worsen your normal stomach problems.
Take your antibiotics as directed. Carefully read the directions to see whether antibiotics should be taken with or without food. You might get an upset stomach, for example, if you take an antibiotic on an empty stomach when the directions tell you to take the drug with food.
Remember my son and his oddly-colored poop? The nurse suggested I add Culturelle, a powdered probiotic supplement, to my son’s milk, to add more good bacteria back into his body. And within a week, his poop was back to normal.
Lack of sleep isn’t just an inconvenience, it’s a public health problem. If you have trouble falling asleep at night or staying awake during the day, you’re not alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, approximately one in four American adults has a sleep or wakefulness disorder.
Was it the wine I drank with dinner? I didn’t think I napped that long. Is it because I didn’t run today? I never followed up on that project. What’s that noise? I need chapstick. WHY CAN’T I SLEEP?
I almost always get a full eight hours each night, so having days when I’m running on six hours isn’t ideal, especially since I become a groggy, grumpy, downright miserable human being if I’m not well-rested. Luckily this doesn’t happen often.
But for those who are clocking four or six hours on the regular—WAKE UP!—you need more sleep! Take it from the researchers who found that participants getting four hours of sleep a night for two weeks functioned like a person who hadn’t slept for 48 hours. And those who got six hours every night over a period of two weeks performed like those who had been awake for 24 hours.
The Science Behind the Sleep Study
Forty-eight people joined a study conducted by researchers from the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine and Harvard Medical School. The point of the study was “to inform the debate over whether human sleep can be chronically reduced without consequences.” Essentially, do humans really need eight hours of sleep?
Researchers split test subjects into four groups—those who slept eight hours, six hours, or four hours every night for two weeks, and those who stayed awake for three days straight. Each person was measured on sleepiness and how well their brain worked. Here are a few examples of the kinds of testing participants underwent:
For reaction time, subjects were measured on how quickly they could respond to a visual stimulus. Curious about the test? Get your reaction time here. Apparently my alertness may be suboptimal and I should consider medical evaluation—hmm, interesting.
They were also measured on their memory and had to match numbers to shapes (something like this), as well as complete 50 addition and subtraction equations that build upon each other (check out this animation).
To measure sleepiness, subjects were asked to rate how sleepy they felt using a scale from 1 to 7. For example, at 9 a.m., I was a “1” or “Feeling active, vital, alert or wide awake.” Then at 3 p.m. I was a “4” or “Somewhat foggy, let down.” Then at 11 p.m. I was a “6” or “Sleepy, woozy, fighting sleep; prefer to lie down.”
As you can imagine, the well-rested group that got eight hours a night for two weeks did significantly better than any of the other three test groups which had their sleep restricted. But the surprise lies in how the group sleeping four or six hours per night thought they were functioning.
Which brings me back to why you need more sleep if you’re only getting four or six hours each night. According to the study, not only did participants function as poorly as people who had been awake for 48 or 24 hours straight, but participants were more tired than they thought they were.
In other words, not enough sleep can be just as dangerous as having no sleep at all.
Dr. Matthew Bartels, a chief medical officer at Excellus BlueCross BlueShield, who was not involved with the study, agrees with the study’s findings. “Sleep is absolutely essential for mental alertness and better physical health,” he stated. “I think most people can relate that when you get a good night’s sleep, you feel better and are more alert.”
Get Out of Sleep Debt
There’s no easier way to get all of the positive benefits of sleep—stress relief, restored energy, improved mood, the ability to think clearly or fight off infection—for such little effort. If you’ve been skimping, not only are you more tired than you think you are, but according to the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute, you’re putting your body at risk for having heart disease, high blood pressure and other medical conditions that develop over the long run.
The good news is that if you haven’t been getting the recommended seven to nine hours of sleep, you can pay it back to yourself slowly and over time. To get out of “sleep debt,” common methods include going to bed earlier or taking short naps to compensate, but weekend catch-up is not advised.
Going to bed earlier doesn’t necessarily mean moving your bedtime back two hours. Try going to bed 15 minutes earlier each weeknight. If your typical bedtime is 11 p.m., go to bed at 10:45 p.m. on Monday, 10:30 p.m. on Tuesday, 10:15 p.m. on Wednesday—and so on. Come Saturday morning, you will have made up almost three hours of sleep.
I know new parents are probably tired of people telling them this, but if at all possible, try to sleep when your baby does (even if that means going to bed at 8:30 p.m.!). I realize that this is much easier said than done!
And if you’re pro-nap like me, limit daytime napping to less than one hour. “It’s certainly OK to take naps from time to time,” says Bartels. “But the long-term solution is to get the proper number of hours of sleep at nighttime so you aren’t disrupting your sleep cycle.”
Good Sleep Hygiene
If you have trouble falling and staying asleep, you may need to consider making sleep hygiene a habit. Everyone can benefit from it.
For example, the Sleep Foundation suggests avoiding bright lights (including cellphone and TV screens) 30 to 60 minutes before bed. Other recommendations include:
Going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, including weekends
Doing a relaxing activity, such as reading before bed
Exercising at a time that works for you
Creating a Zen bedroom by dimming the lights, turning the thermostat down and having plenty of cozy blankets
If all else fails, Bartels suggests talking to your doctor. “If a patient is having trouble falling and staying asleep, I question the cause,” he said. “Is there another condition that could be causing the sleepless nights?”
So what’s the difference between four hours, six hours and eight hours of sleep? Besides the obvious time and cognitive effects, Bartels says the quality is just as important as the quantity. “There are phases of sleep needed to ‘reset your clock,’” he said. “When you get the optimal hours, your body has time to move through the sleep stages and benefit from the regenerative effects of sleep.”
