You want to pack a lunch that you and your kids will actually eat. It might seem tough. But with a little help, you can become a wiz at creating packable meals that are healthy, yet tasty.
The Basics
Try planning ahead to ease a lot of the stress. When making dinner, remember that leftovers can make a great lunch the next day and the freezer can be your friend.
Make sure you have the right supplies. Your containers should be insulated and have enough space for an ice pack or a thermos container. Packing reusable napkins or silverware is also environmentally and financially friendly.
What’s Sweet
Fruit is a quick and easy snack that can be eaten individually or paired with another food.
For your kid – Fresh fruit (alone or with yogurt)
For you – Cottage cheese with fresh fruit
Create homemade trail mix to make sure family members can enjoy their favorite ingredients. Mix dried fruit with nuts, raisins, pretzels, and even chocolate chips.
What’s Crunchy
Cut up vegetables — such as carrots, cucumbers, or celery — to make a crunchy snack that people of any age can enjoy.
For your kid – Vegetables with dip
For you – Vegetables with hummus or tzatziki sauce
Try peanut butter (or almond butter) with rice cakes, bananas, apples or pretzels. You could make the childhood favorite, “ants on a log,” by pairing celery with peanut butter and raisins.
Try adding vegetables to the top of your pizzas and consider using pita bread as your pizza “dough.”
Not your usual sandwich
Mix up your sandwich bread by using whole wheat bread, tortilla wraps, or pita bread. Since sandwich meats contain a lot of sodium, try alternatives such as salads; peanut butter and jelly sandwiches; or chicken, tuna, or egg salad sandwiches.
Even still, we tried, took dozens of pills and injections, had seven surgeries and procedures, removed grains and dairy from my diet, and still suffered two miscarriages, all of which made us feel very alone and anything but relaxed. My body, our minds, and our finances were drained.
Meanwhile friends and family lapped us – having one or two more children to our zero. Trust me, it was not a competition, but you can imagine how defeated we’d feel when we knew we too were once able to just get pregnant on our own. But for some reason, this second child wasn’t going to be as easy.
I celebrated each friend or family member’s new baby as best I could – always with a smile and hope. I never wanted to get on the other side of my situation and have people reflect on how hard it has been for me. I wanted to make sure I was there for them, too- with a positive spirit.
IVF: Not for the faint of heart
After six intrauterine inseminations (IUIs) – two of which resulted in miscarriages – we decided to try In Vitro Fertilization (IVF).
The process is not for the faint of heart, but I am grateful to the support group/yoga class I’d been attending for nearly two years. These women have seen it all and dropped everything to help a newbie. Each time I spoke with them, I felt less alone, more hopeful, more comfortable being the person I had to be.
Our IVF protocol was a rigorous one. At this point I’m 39 years old, so my “advanced maternal age” wasn’t necessarily increasing my chances of getting pregnant again. I was bruised mentally from negative pregnancy tests and pregnancy losses, and physically from the injections and blood work.
The mental bruises take a long time to go away. The bruises make you doubt that you’ll actually get pregnant, a skepticism that those “just relax” advisors would yell at you for. Those who’ve done this already know, it’s a doubt you can’t get rid of – but you do have to tuck it away in a remote location of your mind. I carried the doubt, but tried so hard not to let it consume me. I realized that two years later we were smarter, trying new things each time, and each attempt was different. So I forced myself not to ask, “Why should this time be different?”
We’re pregnant! Hooray, right? Well….
In January 2016, we began prepping for our first retrieval.
By now I was used to the fatigue that comes with constantly running to appointments, juggling prescription refills and approvals, and the general malaise that the injections caused my body.
February’s retrieval came and went. I was almost in auto pilot mode because in the back of my mind, I was more terrified of the next step to come – the transfer.
Because of the intense protocol I signed us up for, we didn’t transfer until April. When April came, I felt like I was stuck in one those dreams I used to have about my college exams: the dream where I prepared for the exam, but then showed up for a test that I knew nothing about, and had to wing it. That’s kind of like the IVF experience. You can prep all you want, but it’s really up to science.
After our transfer, we waited and kept ourselves distracted with other things. Over the years we’d been doing this, I became a fan of distractions – anything to not dwell on the one thing we cannot control. We’d take day trips, have fun dinners, just play with our son, or I’d immerse myself in my work.
All along there’d been yoga – every morning I get up and practice solo for about 20 to 30 minutes to organize my body and my head.
Then on May 4th we got our phone call – we were pregnant. Hooray right? Well…
I couldn’t get excited about being pregnant
As soon as we got our positive blood test, I moved on. I did not get excited.
I said, “Great, see you at next week’s appointment.” We kept the faith, but realistically kept moving on with our lives. This was ironic because I once dreamed of the day we’d get our “get out of jail card” and become pregnant again.
I imagined we’d be ecstatic, able to embrace this joyful moment and be happy. But because of our past emotional experiences, I just couldn’t put myself in that mindset.
With each week and each check-up, we got great reports. Numbers were great and we had a strong heartbeat – all great signs and things we hadn’t seen with past positive tests.
But I just couldn’t let myself enjoy being pregnant. With this technically being my fourth pregnancy, my body was changing fast. I was cramming myself into my normal clothes at eight weeks of pregnancy because I didn’t want to “jinx” us by wearing maternity clothes.
Worse was that I would dread going to the bathroom because there was always that chance that blood would show up, a sign that I might be miscarrying again. There were times I would cry myself to sleep for fear that a normal stomachache was something worse. Or I would spend days at my desk hiding from people so they couldn’t see the fatigue and bloat, or ask questions I didn’t want to answer.
Somehow, one day after one of our last appointments with our fertility team, I actually stopped thinking about the fear of losing this pregnancy. I let it go. I decided I could move on, and try to enjoy the experience.
Then it happened. I was bleeding.
Learning to have faith
I was paralyzed with fear and anger. My first thought wasn’t what most rational women would say (“oh, it’s probably nothing”). My first reaction was to punish myself for being hopeful – “look at that, you let down your guard and you ruined it.”
I believe that IVF post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a real thing. (Though this is not a clinical diagnosis for me specifically, it’s a sentiment or a feeling of loss of security or safety, and that trauma of loss or negative results will continue to occur for me.)
We hurried to the doctor and confirmed that everything was still a-ok. Heartbeat, sac, even limbs were all still there. I most likely had subchorionic bleeding, which can be scary, but is common early in pregnancy and doesn’t normally indicate that the pregnancy is at risk.
Ironically, after that incident, I had more faith and confidence in myself and in this little human who is growing inside me. I learned that not everything is what we think it is every time. And perhaps it was a test to show me that it is OK to let my guard down.
I’d be a liar if I told you that, at nine weeks pregnant and experiencing bleeding, I was thrilled and relieved. My growing confidence allowed me to celebrate this little human in quiet prayer and yoga every day. But it wasn’t until I reached almost 21-weeks of pregnancy that I started to relax and enjoy the miracle of my pregnancy.
With peace of mind, comes joy
Until experiences showed me that I was not going to have another disappointment, I felt I had to protect myself emotionally and physically. So I went on “auto pilot” for about 13 more weeks. I got up, got dressed, fed my family, drank my decaf coffee, went to work, and went to bed. I worked hard to avoid thinking about being pregnant – and to my family it came off as a negative attitude. What was hard for them to understand was that I had to build up a shell, that I was just using all of my energy to breathe and keep functioning, leaving no energy to enjoy life for the moment.
While the fear has gotten quieter, it honestly hasn’t gone away. As I near the end of my pregnancy, I know that until I hold this human in my arms, I won’t fully let my guard down. With each passing week, it does get easier. After ultrasounds and check-ups, after seeing our little girl, her cute profile and all of her organs, I finally have some peace of mind. With peace comes joy. And with joy comes space to smile, laugh, and enjoy some of life. Because life will keep going, this baby will keep growing, and I can keep breathing.
Update:My healthy, beautiful daughter was born in late December 2016. We stare at her in complete disbelief and happiness.
Reaching the 37th week of pregnancy with both of my boys felt like a big milestone.
After heaving my bloated, pregnant self around for way too long, my baby boy was finally “full-term,” or fully developed. It wouldn’t matter if he was delivered now, I mistakenly thought, or on my due date in a few weeks.
That all changed several years ago, when medical experts changed the rules for pregnant moms. No longer was the goal of many pregnant moms to reach the 37th week of pregnancy. The goal line was pushed back to 39 weeks, because new research showed that babies still had a lot of growing to do at weeks 37 and 38. The baby’s brain and lungs, for example, were still developing.
It’s important to note that some babies need to be delivered early. This may be because the mother or baby is at risk for complications. But if there are no complications, inducing labor or scheduling a C-section before 39 weeks should be avoided, because the baby is still growing, according to Choosing Wisely, an initiative of the American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) Foundation.
An infographic on more reasons you might want to avoid inducing labor or scheduling C-sections before 39 weeks (if you can!)
Did you know?
The Choosing Wisely program was started to reduce waste in the health care system and avoid risks associated with unnecessary treatments. The American Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM) Foundation publishes and shares hundreds of care recommendations from more than 70 medical specialty societies. A goal of the program is to promote conversations between physicians and patients about the necessity of certain tests and procedures. This includes the risks associated with scheduling a C-section before 39 weeks gestation. Another important goal of Choosing Wisley is to give patients more of a say in some of the decisions.
Becoming a parent stirs up a lot of fears. Will I be a good caretaker? Who will take care of my child when I go back to work? How do you keep one of these things alive? You meanwe can just take them home?!
And that’s just the stuff you talk about publicly.
The Creepiness of Children’s Music
One of the secrets I’ve harbored in the deep recesses of my mind is a disdain for kids’ music (and those weird music videos!). The chipper, high voices. Bright primary colors. People singing while wearing spandex.
I’ve tried to get on board. I attended a newborn story time at our local library,* where they handed out lyrics to kids’ songs and taught interactive movements. A totally cool idea, and very helpful for someone like myself who hasn’t been around kids that much and has no idea where to start with such things. Story time was met with marginal success: my baby slept on my lap while I sang and clapped. My mind kept wandering along with the ridiculous lyrics we were singing. The song “Hickory Dickory Dock” reminded me of a Hickory Farms summer sausage gift basket. Ants marching one by one in the house are usually met with the sole of my shoe, because I’m the resident exterminator. And spiders? During a discussion of “Itsy Bitsy Spider,” my brother texted, “I hate spiders. Why would I sing about them?” Well said, sir.
Then the time of reckoning arrived. A beautiful, innocent, googly-eyed baby staring up from the crib, longing for some parental interaction. When I opened my mouth to croak out something, I didn’t know what to sing other than “Happy Birthday.” That experience showed me the need to create some playlists that wouldn’t be too terrible to sing along with over and over again. Because what is more fun in life then creating your own soundtrack?
The Positive Effect That Music Has on Children Makes It A Must
Studies have shown that music can have a really positive impact on childrens’ development.
It’s just that the entire universe-altering shift to parenthood is so overwhelming that it’s hard to let all facets in at once and the preordained music playlist, well, sometimes it just hurts. So you try to preserve some small semblance of your past that you want to share with your little one.
Playlists That Don’t Suck
There is nothing revolutionary here and obviously you can put any music you like on your soundtrack. I’ve been known to sing the jingle from the Cellino & Barnes commercial when desperate. Sleep deprivation causes things like an inability to remember your once-favorite songs, the words to the ABCs or those melodies earmarked for kids. I’ve found it helpful to have playlists queued up so I can spend more time interacting with our little one instead of racking my brain for songs to sing.
Being a teenager and going through high school can be difficult. There are classes to keep up with, sports commitments and demands for your time from family and friends. And, for Brittany McNair, a cancer diagnosis.
McNair was diagnosed with osteosarcoma June of 2005, the end of her freshman year of high school. She went to the doctor after not being able to walk and after several tests, found out that she had cancer in her right leg.
The former three-sport athlete went from running daily for soccer and indoor/outdoor track to relearning how to walk. She didn’t think she’d run again.
The high school years are a time when your peers are constantly judging you. Because chemotherapy treatments caused her hair to fall out, McNair feared having her picture taken or being asked to remove her hat. She also learned to get creative to avoid the dreaded hospital visits. (More on that later.)
With the help of friends, family and a local nonprofit, McNair found a way to keep some of the normalcy of her teenage years. Her family also emerged stronger and closer as a result of it.
Brittany McNair on her 16th birthday while in the hospital for cancer treatment.
A Visit to Her Hospital Room
In August of 2005, surgeons replaced the bones in McNair’s right leg with a metal prosthesis. At the same time, they removed her calf muscles and performed knee replacement surgery on that leg. She was 15.
As she recovered in the hospital, McNair received a visit from Lauren Spiker, executive director of 13thirty Cancer Connect, formerly known as Melissa’s Living Legacy Teen Cancer Foundation. Spiker had formed the organization three years prior after her daughter, Melissa, died of cancer, and was running it from her home.
On the wall at 13thirty Cancer Connect is Melissa’s request of her mother before she died, “If you have learned anything from me through all of this, do something with it to make a difference – to make things better.”
Spiker explained her daughter’s request.
“When Melissa was going through treatments for cancer as a teenager, we noticed that there weren’t many support groups for teenagers or young adults.”
Spiker visited McNair in the hospital to invite her to join their support groups, including a popular pancake breakfast at Spiker’s home with other teenage cancer survivors. A few weeks later, McNair participated in a photo shoot for a brochure for the organization. From that day, McNair has continued to attend 13thirty Cancer Connect events.
“13thirty Cancer Connect helped me in ways I couldn’t even begin to describe,” said McNair. “I’ve made lifelong friends there, and I am so thankful for them.”
The organization welcomes individuals ages 13 to 30 who have cancer and their families. A few years after McNair joined the group, 13thirty Cancer Connect began offering fitness classes to give people who have been diagnosed with cancer a chance to exercise with the supervision of a physical therapist and get their strength back.
“Our program was able to recently expand, thanks to a $3,000 grant from Excellus BlueCross BlueShield,” said Spiker.
It was through this program that McNair started to run again.
Brittany with Lauren Spiker, executive director of 13thirty Cancer Connect
Friends on the field
McNair was lucky to have friends who worked hard to keep her connected to high school (and all the drama!).
Her soccer teammates and their families took turns decorating and filling a box of goodies for McNair to have before she went to the hospital for chemotherapy on Fridays. She found the box on her front porch every Thursday.
“I would be in the hospital all weekend and my teammates would give me everything from candy to DVDs in that box,” said McNair.
McNair’s favorite? A barf bucket. (The chemotherapy made McNair pretty sick!) It was decorated with different words and phrases related to barfing.
After her diagnosis, one family gave her a laptop to help her keep up with school, but she also used it to keep up with her friends and high school happenings.
“AOL Instant Messenger was the big thing then, and I would be on my laptop all the time talking to friends so I was kept in the loop,” said McNair.
Her friends also would visit her at home and in the hospital. As often as she could, McNair would go to basketball games to watch her sister cheer, and she’d also sit on the bench and help her coach during soccer games.
A birthday to remember
McNair really wanted to be in school with her friends on her 16th birthday on Dec. 23, 2005. Usually her birthday falls during winter break, when there’s no school, but that year was an exception.
On the morning of her birthday that year, McNair’s mom – Jennifer Arnold – noticed that her daughter felt hot. So Arnold took her temperature. If McNair had a fever, that meant she’d have to go to the emergency room and would automatically be in the hospital for 24-48 hours. When Arnold came back, McNair’s sister was in the room.
“I didn’t think anything of it,” said Arnold. “I figured they had just been talking before Brittany’s sister went to school or something.”
Arnold looked at the thermometer and it read a normal temperature. Arnold made McNair take her temperature again, but this time she didn’t leave the room.
“The thermometer said she had a fever just like I thought,” Arnold said. “Brittany’s sister took her own temperature, and the girls tried to trick me!”
McNair’s friends ended up visiting her in the hospital and celebrated her birthday there.
It wasn’t the first time her friends or family were willing to intervene on McNair’s behalf.
“I don’t know why it was such a big deal.”
When McNair walked into the school cafeteria to take her regents exam, the proctor wouldn’t let her in because she was wearing a hat.
“I don’t know why it was such a big deal,” said McNair. “I guess they were worried I was going to hide notes in my hat or something.”
McNair refused to take off her hat. She didn’t want to tell the proctor that she was embarrassed of her bald head. Eventually, one of her friends stepped in and explained why McNair wanted to keep her hat on. The proctor let her into the cafeteria to take her test.
After she sat down, a different proctor also asked her to remove her hat. Again, she refused. This time, a math teacher intervened and said that she could keep her hat on.
That night, Arnold attended a basketball game to see Britany’s sister cheer. The same math teacher approached her and apologized. He hoped that her daughter did well on the test.
“Brittany hadn’t told me that anything had happened at the regents test so I was trying to think of what could have possibly happened,” said Arnold, adding that she was also thinking , ‘Well I’d be more concerned that she didn’t do well because of all the work she hasn’t been doing.”
It wasn’t the first time McNair fought requests to remove her hat.
Learning to embrace her bald head
Like most 16-year-olds, McNair was eager to get her driving permit. She went to the DMV to take the written test and after passing it, stood in line to have her picture taken for her license. The photographer told her to remove her hat. McNair refused.
“My dad started arguing with the people at the DMV to let me keep my hat on and eventually they did and took my picture,” said McNair. “After that, when people looked at my I.D., they were confused to see that I was wearing a hat.”
McNair was determined to learn to drive during her sophomore year. Since she was still relearning how to use her right leg, used two feet instead of one to apply the brakes or use the accelerator.
“Looking back on everything from when I was diagnosed and going through chemo, I would tell other people going through the same thing to take pictures and rock the bald head,” said McNair. “Those are the two things I wish I had done.
Non-traditional Christmas
Arnold thinks back fondly on Christmas that year. It was a few days after McNair’s birthday fever and she was still in the hospital. She and her husband agreed to bring both McNair and her sister three presents to open at the hospital; they could open the rest when McNair returned home.
“My husband and I made two trips from the hospital to the house and back to pick up more presents because the girls didn’t want it to end, they were having so much fun,” said Arnold.
Brittany, her father (David), and younger sister (Alexis) on Christmas Day. Alexis is now a Pediatric Oncology nurse at Golisano Children’s Hospital. She was inspired by the nurses who cared for Brittany.
When McNair came home on New Year’s Eve, her parents said she and her sister couldn’t open the rest of their presents until the next morning. They wanted the girls to have that feeling of waking up and seeing presents under the tree.
“The girls went to bed at 3 a.m. on New Year’s Eve and then woke up a few hours later to open presents,” said Arnold. “It wasn’t a traditional Christmas, but we made the most of it and that’s what made it so special. “
Changing the family dynamic
Mother and daughter smiled and laughed as they recalled those special memories. “Brittany’s cancer diagnosis definitely changed our family dynamic for the better,” said Arnold. “We’re all incredibly close and I love it.”
Brittany with her mother, Jennifer Arnold in September 2016.
McNair, now an avid runner, made her athletic comeback October 2014 running the Bandana Bolt 5K at Seneca Park, thanks in large part to 13thirty Cancer Connect’s fitness program. Her mom joined her for the race as a fellow runner.
“With this new awesome fitness program that I’ve been doing for a couple years now, I’m slowly regaining my strength in my leg, regaining confidence and regaining the old me that was that former athlete,” said McNair.
My mom always says that my coming home from college during breaks is a blessing and a curse.
She loves having me there, but by the end of the week, she’s wondering when it’s time for me to go back.
I’m no longer a contributing member of the family—for the short week that I’m home, I pretty much just want to veg out.
For many college students like me, Thanksgiving is a much needed break from studying. Still, it can be overwhelming coming back home after being away for a few months – especially for first year students. From this senior’s perspective, here are a few ways parents can avoid pushing your college kid’s buttons without feeling like you’re walking on eggshells.
Don’t Ask So Many Questions
It’s Thanksgiving, and I love being home, enjoying my family’s company and eating my mom’s sweet potato casserole (topped with marshmallows, of course). Everything is going great, and I’m finally relaxing before heading back to college for a few more weeks of classes and finals before winter break. Then, the questions start—from Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt Rebecca, Uncle Danny….
“What do you want to do when you graduate?”
“Do you have a boyfriend yet?”
“How’s your internship?”
“What are your classes like?”
I just got home from a stressful semester that still isn’t over and now you have me thinking about it all over again. Some of us still have no clue what we want to do after graduation; let’s just enjoy the turkey and trimmings, shall we? Also, chances are, I still do not have a boyfriend. (I’ll let you know when I do).
So, steer away from what feels like very personal questions. (My internship supervisor said her adult son gives her the “time out” signal, meaning TMQ or “too many questions.” She knows to cool it for a while. “I’ve learned the less I ask, the more he’s apt to tell me,” she said.)
Let Me Enjoy Being Home
Of course I want to sit and tell you everything about my life, Mom, but we talk on the phone almost every day while I’m at school. So, can I just have these next few days to myself?
This isn’t to say that I don’t want to spend time with you, because it’s actually one of the things I want most. However, while you might think I’d enjoy going to family friends’ homes with you, I’d rather not. My time at home is precious.
I’d also welcome a few days’ reprieve from household chores. Most of all, please let me sleep in the mornings! I need a break from my busy academic life when I’m constantly on the go and following a strict schedule. It’s nice to just kick back and enjoy the moment.
The author, Alaina Galiano, at dinner with her parents.
Keep the “Constructive Criticism” to a Minimum
I realize that everything you say to me comes from a place of love and affection, but it doesn’t always come across that way to this stressed-out, on-edge college kid.
Please, don’t comment on my weight or ask when I think I’m going to lose the freshman 15. Don’t even ask about my eating habits at school. Chances are you already know I’m not the poster child for the new food pyramid. I’m eating enough and no, not just ramen noodle soup and mac and cheese.
And, it’s not just my appearance that’s off limits. I know I could be doing better in school and trying harder. Just don’t bring that up now so I can get a break from worrying about this stuff even for a little while.
In addition, especially after this recent election, please, don’t bring up politics! We all have our opinions, but it’s not worth the fight over the mashed potatoes. Let’s enjoy the holiday, not start World War III.
What We Love to Hear
Tell me about what you and the family have been up to. Trust me, I hate missing out on so much while I’m gone, so please, let me know what’s going on in your life
Tell me how proud you are of me, that you know I’m out there doing something great for myself. I always love to hear that!
Remind me that it gets harder and harder each time I leave.
None of these suggestions mean you have to stop being a parent and caring, because you never will; just give me a little space while I’m home. While I’m not exactly on my own yet, college gives me time to grow into being an adult. I just need the safety and comfort of home during this break to recoup so I’ll be renewed and rejuvenated to tackle those last minute projects and finals.
I want this time together to be as peaceful and joyful for you as I want it to be for me. Besides, I’ll be back for winter break before you know it! (And, no, you still can’t ask me those overly personal questions then either.)
Most parents take strong positions against bullying, until THEIR child is accused of being the bully.
“Not my child!” they say.
What exactly is a bully? Some believe the designation is super clear. A bully is anyone who verbally or physically abuses another. Verbal abuse can include saying something that is mean, offensive, or insulting.
In the real world with real people, it’s not always apparent whether someone is a bully. Consider the example of Josh, a high school junior and star athlete.
Josh was athletically superior to almost everyone on the basketball court. He was extremely popular, especially during the basketball season when he carried the team. He was praised for his leadership, for his desire to win, and for being aggressive during the season.
However, during the off-season, he continued to play with the same level of intensity, using his elbows to forcefully grab rebounds, and his strength to push his way to the basket. One teammate’s parents raised concerns when their son came home bruised from an intramural game with Josh. Their son, a freshman, was not only 30 pounds lighter than Josh, but also 4 inches shorter.
They accused Josh of being a bully.
Is my child a bully?
Josh’s mom, when told of her son’s behavior, initially did one very important thing. She remained calm and asked to hear her son’s side of the story before they met with the vice principal regarding potential discipline.
Josh, meanwhile, said he’s playing the way his coach taught him. He was going all out on every play and performing the same way that helped him lead his team to victory for the district last year.
Josh continued, “That kid is a bit of a whiner. He’s OK, and maybe he’ll even be an OK player at some point. But, really, he said I was a bully?”
What’s happening here?
Mom wants to think the very best of her son. Josh has given a plausible answer that’s based on fact. The coach has pushed him hard to “be the best he can be.” That behavior has helped him lead his team to victory in the past.
Her thoughts swarm: “This is ridiculous.” “Absurd.” “He’s a hero, not a bully.”
By remaining calm, Josh’s mother initially responded appropriately. But her next move didn’t help her or Josh learn and grow from the situation.
She posted the whole issue on Facebook, requesting support for Josh. By the time Josh and his mom met with the vice principal later in the week, both were confident that the accusations were false. After all, 25 parents and 30 kids had signed a statement backing up Josh and praising him.
The vice principal agreed to take the issue under advisement. There would be no discipline until after he’d talked with the coach. Then, they would reconvene.
So what happened?
I can imagine a dozen different reactions—from people who believed Josh was doing what any leader would do (playing with the intensity that his coach instilled in him), to those who have been victimized themselves and feel that again the bully wins.
Whether you believe Josh was a bully really depends on your point of view—especially if Josh truly felt he was playing fairly.
What’s clear is that Josh and his mother missed a teachable moment.
They should have discussed whether Josh really needed to play so aggressively during a casual game of ball. You can be a high achiever, for example, and also be kind and considerate.
But Josh and his mom retreated to what was safe, familiar. It was too overwhelming and disruptive for them to consider whether Josh was possibly being too aggressive and a bully.
7 Tips If Your Child Is The Bully
Josh’s story shows that it’s often not clear whether your child is a bully. Here are seven tips for handling similar situations:
Take a deep breath and stay in the moment. Don’t start blaming yourself or start to envision your child as a future felon.
Understand the facts as best as you can. Just the facts. Let them guide your decision.
Discuss the situation with your child. Explain that you’re just trying to understand what happened. Keep your emotions in check. In Josh’s case, for example, his mom could have discussed the importance of not just performing well, but also being considerate of others.
Be judicious about how many external sources you involve—such as family and Facebook friends—until you fully understand the situation. It’s tempting to lash out at accusers or rally support behind your child. But these approaches will not help, and might make you seem like a bully, too.
Find a punishment or consequence for your child that is based on kindness and compassion. Maybe a child who has been bullying other kids (especially if it was unintended bullying) could spend time volunteering with younger kids. This could help teach your child how to be compassionate and kind toward others.
Model kindness. Remember that every child has to learn and grow. If you want your child to be considerate, make sure you’re also modeling the right behaviors. This includes keeping the other child’s feelings in mind when you speak about the situation with other parents or your child’s friends.
If you truly believe your child is bullying others, consider reaching out to the school’s counselor or social worker for help.
Many moms are obsessed with the color of their toddler’s poop. But, did you know that the color of your child’s poop can hint at what’s going on in his or her body?
Last year, my 1-year-old son’s poop had changed to an odd, sandy-white color I’d never seen before. I did what all parents do: a quick Google search. As a result, I was convinced that my little boy suffered from a life-threatening liver disease.
Not quite. A call to the pediatrician’s office revealed that the likely culprit was the antibiotic the doctor had prescribed for my son’s ear infection.
Antibiotics kill the bacteria that make you sick. But, ironically, the medicine can also kill the good kinds of bacteria that keep you healthy. That’s probably why my son’s poop had turned an odd color.
The dangers of antibiotics
Before our little poop adventure, I never thought twice about antibiotics. Since then, I’ve learned that antibiotics can have some pretty serious side effects, including diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting.
The issue? Antibiotics are often prescribed to treat illnesses caused by a virus: flu, common cold, most cases of acute bronchitis, etc. But antibiotics won’t help people with a virus. They help people with illnesses caused by bacteria, such as strep throat, whooping cough, and urinary tract infections.
As more people overuse antibiotics, the bacteria in your body that haven’t been killed by the drug can become resistant to the medication. This results in “superbugs” that cause life-threatening infections that can’t be treated with antibiotics.
This puts the entire community at risk of having antibiotics that don’t work.
Do you need antibiotics?
So antibiotics can be good – and bad? It’s all very confusing. Here is some advice on determining whether you need (or don’t need) antibiotics.
Get educated. Learn about antibiotics, the conditions for which antibiotics are often prescribed, and whether the antibiotics are able to help:
To learn more about whether you should take an antibiotic for ear infections, eczema, and pinkeye, go to ChoosingWisely.org.
ChoosingWisely.org also has information on whether you should take an antibiotic for the flu, colds and other respiratory illnesses.
For general information about antibiotics, go to CDC.org.
Take your medication as directed. One of the most important things you can do if you are prescribed an antibiotic is to take ALL of your medication and don’t skip doses.
“Too often, patients stop taking antibiotics when they begin to feel better and save the remainder of the pills for the next time they’re sick,” explains Martin Lustick, M.D., Corporate Medical Director at Excellus BlueCross BlueShield. “This is a big contributor to the development and spread of antibiotic-resistant bacteria.”
Talk to your doctor. Your physician knows you best and will be able to offer the best advice. Watch this video to learn about four questions to ask your doctor:
Trust your doctor if he or she says that an antibiotic isn’t needed.
“When the doctor says that an antibiotic isn’t needed,” said Lustick, “know that he or she is making the decision not to prescribe antibiotics by keeping the patient’s health and the health of the entire community in mind.”
A love/hate relationship
A friend of mine recently described her love/hate relationship with antibiotics.
She loved how the drugs cured her daughters’ ear infections, but hated how the drugs seemed to wreck her oldest child’s digestive system. Her daughter suffered from a continuous cycle of ear infections, antibiotic regimens, and irregular bowel movements.
She didn’t know for certain that her daughter’s digestive issues were related to the antibiotics. But given antibiotic’s reputation for causing these issues, it was hard for her not to make that association.
So what do you do if you need an antibiotic, but want to lessen its side effects?
Probiotics. Talk to your doctor about whether you should take probiotics. Antibiotics can cause people to have stomach problems, including diarrhea, cramping, and gas. The reason? The drugs can kill the good bacteria in your intestines that are critical to digestive health. Probiotics may return that bacteria to your body, potentially curing or lessening your stomach issues. You can take probiotics through supplements or foods such as yogurt.
Foods. If certain foods upset your stomach even when you’re not on antibiotics, it’s even more important to avoid them when you’re on the drugs. Antibiotics may only worsen your normal stomach problems.
Take your antibiotics as directed. Carefully read the directions to see whether antibiotics should be taken with or without food. You might get an upset stomach, for example, if you take an antibiotic on an empty stomach when the directions tell you to take the drug with food.
Remember my son and his oddly-colored poop? The nurse suggested I add Culturelle, a powdered probiotic supplement, to my son’s milk, to add more good bacteria back into his body. And within a week, his poop was back to normal.
My toddler began his first apple picking trip by collecting the rotten fruit off the grass, offering them to me in his tiny palm and asking, “this?”
“No, sweetie,” I replied, gently knocking the mushy fruit out of his hands. “Try these.”
I pointed to the McIntosh hanging on a low branch by his head. He reached up and plucked a small one off the branch, dumping it into my bag. He zig-zagged through the trees, grabbing at the low-hanging fruit within his reach.
This apple farm had all the important features – a fenced-off area with chickens, a baby pig and goats; a store to buy little donuts and apple cider and a bright blue tractor trucking visitors to orchards of McIntosh and Spartan apples.
Matt picking apples. (provided by Joy Auch)
Before we left for the tractor ride back to the farm store to purchase our bounty, my little one did something he hadn’t done before. He grabbed an apple and took a bite and then another. It was the first time he willingly ate an apple.
Loving the sweet, tart or crisp apple
Apple picking isn’t just an active outing with lots of walking and hauling. It may also foster a child’s love of the sweet, tart or crisp and always healthy apple.
“This is such a wonderful family bonding experience that is also exercise and healthy eating in disguise,” said Patricia Salzer, a registered dietitian and an Excellus BlueCross BlueShield workplace wellness consultant.
Apples are guilt-free because they have just traces of fat and sodium and no cholesterol. The skin of the apple is loaded with disease-fighting antioxidants. Adults and children alike can benefit from eating apples, whether they consume them out of hand, paired with peanut butter or baked in a wholesome fruit crisp with oats and nuts.
Apple farms of Upstate NY
Are you ready to embark with family or friends on one of the most quintessential fall activities?
If so, here’s a short list of apple orchards in upstate New York near Binghamton, Rochester, Syracuse and Utica. My co-workers recommended many of these orchards as their go-to fall family fun places:
A list of apple picking opportunities in New York or any state can also be found at pickyourown.org
Please follow COVID-19 precautions while enjoying your visit to the apple orchard. For more information, contact your local apple farm.
Sneak more apples into your meals
You’ve picked bushels and bushels of apples. Now what?
Salzer offers these tips as ways you can incorporate more apples into your daily diet:
Make a fruit salad with a mixture of your favorite fruits. Or, add apples to your vegetable salads.
Add apples to your cereal, yogurt, pancakes or oatmeal.
Add apples to winter squash soup or grilled turkey and cheese sandwiches. Roast them alongside chicken or pork.
Make an apple crisp with whole-wheat flour, oats and walnuts.
Keep apples visible in your kitchen so you’re more likely to eat them or store them in the front of your refrigerator. Better yet, swap out the cookie jar for a bowl of apples
When Jack, 5, saw the aisle full of backpacks, he loved the ones covered with his favorite characters from Paw Patrol and Star Wars.
Jack’s mom, however, searched for a pack that wouldn’t strain the back of her soon-to-be kindergartener. She looked for satchels with thick, cushioned straps, and settled on a Star Wars bag featuring the droid, BB-8.
School is already in full swing, but it’s not too late for parents to get a good grade in helping their kids avoid backpack pain.
Yes – backpack pain is a thing.
Here’s how Brian Justice, D.C., a chiropractor and medical director at Excellus BlueCross BlueShield, suggests avoiding any pack-related issues for your little ones:
Pick a backpack with broad, cushioned straps that won’t dig into the shoulders.
The thicker the straps, the better. Smaller straps may worsen strain on the shoulders.
Pack strategically. Place the heaviest things (we’re looking at you, history books) toward the back of the backpack, which is the side closest to the body. This will distribute the weight, making it easier to carry the backpack.
Don’t overload. The weight of a backpack should be less than 10 percent of body weight. So if your child weighs 80 pounds, his or her backpack should weigh no more than 8 pounds. If the backpack is too heavy, consider removing some of the larger books.
Use both straps and keep them tight. Slinging a backpack over one shoulder could create problems, because the weight is unevenly distributed. Make sure the straps are pulled tight. The closer the backpack is to the body, the better. Don’t allow the backpack to sag and strain the shoulders.
Focus. Take the time to put on, or take off, the backpack. Throwing the backpack on while running out the door may trigger back problems.
In Jack’s case, the BB-8 backpack was an obvious choice, but it wasn’t because of the thick, cushioned straps. It was because of the tiny lights that flashed whenever he pressed a button on the droid’s head.
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